A Catalogue of Malicious Life Advice
Need advice?
Thursday, October 22, 2009
S: “You need to see this video.”
DSP: “Is this going to end in a penis falling out? Not that there's anything wrong with that.”
S: “I don’t think so.”
DSP: “Woah. Brazilians man, I’m glad they got the Olympics. I... probably shouldn’t... watching this at work.”
S: “This is 2009. Old rules don't apply.”
DSP: “I’m so distracted I’m just straight up leaving words out of my sentences. I think I need a palate cleanser after that.”
S: “Like a skinny hipster ho?”
DSP: “No, like something completely normal. Like a picture of a used Honda Civic. I need to recalibrate and reset. That was... stunning. Literally I feel stunned.”
S: “Jesus Christ there was just a spider on my arm!”
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
DSP: “Do you have a Star Trek dress? I think every lady should have a Star Trek dress.”
J: “I have wanted one for a long time. I couldn’t find any last time I looked. Thank you for reminding me.”
J: “Should I ask the guy I’m sleeping with if he would like to have sex with me in it? I will have to remember to ask, it’s kind of weird to text it.”
DSP: “Why would that be weird?”
J: “I guess it’s not.”
DSP: “THAT GUY NEEDS TO SEND ME A THANK YOU CARD”
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