A Catalogue of Malicious Life Advice
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Friday, July 10, 2009
S: “I went to the gym last night kinda late, my wife was out with a friend, she got home around 10. I was at the gym in sauna, so I didn't have my phone with me obviously. I didn't get back to her for about 30 minutes and she thought I left her for some reason.”
DSP: “What?”
S: “When I got home she was like, I'm going crazy, I thought you just left me for another woman.”
DSP: “She couldn't find you for 30 min and she thought you ditched her for good?”
S: “I feel bad for her lately. She's unhappy because shes not working.”
DSP: “Tell her she needs to get off her ass and go find her a job! Be like I AM gonna leave your ass if you keep being a drain on this family!!”
S: “I don't think that's gonna help. She puts enough pressure on herself.”
DSP: “When she comes home tonight be at the dining room table with one of those green accountant visors on, looking through some paperwork all concerned. You should also be on the phone "one sec honey, just talking to my lawyer."”
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