A Catalogue of Malicious Life Advice
Need advice?
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Your wife isn't that hot. Stop posting photos of her to Flickr.
Friday, August 22, 2008
JB: “DSP, I need help.”
DSP: “What's up?”
JB: “I need to make an "I fear ..." statement.”
DSP: “You don't have any fears? And you want to borrow one of mine?”
JB: “I do—but they are boring.”
DSP: “Like what?”
JB: “...I fear seeds.”
DSP: “HA HA HA! Oh man that's awesome. Put that down!”
JB: “No, it's weird.”
DSP: “Everyone else is going to have some dull bullshit like I fear I'll never get to be truly creative.”
JB: “Well, should I be specific? Because specifically I fear green pepper and cantaloupe seeds. Occasionally watermelon.”
DSP: “What is it about them?”
JB: “They cluster. It's like a little army! And it's too perfect how they get all aligned. I've got chills just thinking about it. What if there is some psychology that says that means I've been abused or something?”
DSP: “If I heard a girl say she was afraid of seeds I would hit on her. FACT.”
DSP: “You know how you were telling me the other day about how you dropped your baby and how bad it made you feel?”
DSP: “And I laughed and laughed...”
M: “Yeah, thanks!”
DSP: “Well now I know how you feel! I dropped my iPhone this morning!”