A Catalogue of Malicious Life Advice
Need advice?
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
DSP: “Ok, so Xxxx has this weird sore on her chin, and I can't help but stare at it when we talk. I asked her what it is and she was being weirdly reticent about it and said “let's just say… snowboarding accident.” Should I send her a ‘sorry about your herpes’ card?”
J: “YES!”
J: “YES!”
J: “EMPHATICALLY YES!”
Monday, January 08, 2007
DSP: “You know you're not supposed to tell people until several months into it.”
M: “Yeah, I know because this other dude told me the same thing. Now I'm worried.”
DSP: “Why do boys know more about your body than you do?”
M: “I'm not superstitious and whatever happens, happens. But thanks for wishing me a miscarriage, I appreciate it.”
DSP: “I'm just saying, I've never heard anyone announce it so early. Before they even confirm with a doctor! Maybe you just have gas!”
M: “Yeah that's probably what it is. I've been having bad heartburn.”
DSP: “Well hey, you're young and healthy. I'm sure it'll be fine.”
M: “Oh my god, you're so mean!”
DSP: “How am I mean? I just said everything will be fine! Jerk! I hate you!”
M: !
M: “Well thanks I guess for your well wishes. You'll be the first to know if I miscarry.”