A Catalogue of Malicious Life Advice
Need advice?
Thursday, October 19, 2006
K: “The last night there was terrible. Everyone was drinking so much, like more than I can remember. I was wasted. And without really remembering, I started yelling at Xxxxx (once we were back at the hotel).”
DSP: “Sounds like a good time was had by all.”
K: “He got mad! I feel bad, I don't even remember.”
DSP: “What were you yelling at him for?”
K: “I guess I am a mean drunk. Something stupid. But it escalated and I started telling him to fuck off. Isn't that great? So he's mad at me.”
DSP: “Maybe you have some buried issues that you're not aware of.”
K: “I know, that's what I am worried about.”
DSP: “You should drink some more and find out.”
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
DSP: “Are you going to wear pants?”
M: “Yeah, maybe some riding pants.”
DSP: “Pants aren't sexy. If you're going to have a kid next year, you really need to slut it out this Halloween. No Pants.”
M: “Hm. You're right…”
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
J: “I seriously need food. I am dying.”
DSP: “I want you to get on the scale and ask yourself if you deserve to eat today.”
Monday, October 16, 2006
K: “Did I tell you about this girl I know from volleyball? She put on her match.com profile that she was the ‘fit and athletic’ build. And her date called her on it once. At the end of the date, he was like by the way, I wouldnt peg you as fit and athletic. Total asshole comment but she's definitely overweight.”
DSP: “Good. But honestly, how many dates is she going to get listing herself as ‘overweight’. You play the odds. I hope you told her he was right.”
K: “No, I thought it though!”
DSP: “Those sites really need to illustrate those terms.”
K: “If you put normal, you could be obese since that's the norm in this country. That's what I am going to be by the end of the week here!”
DSP: “It's a good thing you're not internet dating and you've got a steady boyfriend. You can totally let yourself go now.”